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SEPTEMBER 11, 2003 –
BEIJING, CHINA -
Speaking during a welcoming ceremony for Indian Prime Minister Atal
Bihari Vajpayee, Chinese Premier Wen Jiabao expressed some
frustration at hosting yet another friendly meeting of two leaders.
As photographers took
photos of the two standing outside in front of the Great Hall of the
People, Jiabao said, “I most graciously welcome Prime Minister
Vajpayee to yet another boring, non-confrontational meeting here in
Beijing.”
Yajpayee, not
understanding what Jiabao had uttered in Chinese smiled and shook
his hand.
Jiabao continued,
“What is the point of being the leader of such a powerful army and
nation when no one – and I mean no one at all – has a problem with
us. Russia – they are two busy with Chechnya, America is
too busy hating Arabs. Who will deem us narrow-eyed Communists
the Evil Empire to be hated?”
Yajpayee replied, in
Hindi, “I also am glad for this opportunity to reassert of positive
relationship and the many things our two nations have in common.”
“These meetings are
crap!” snapped Jiabao harshly. “When do I get to attend
important, future-of-the-world determining summits? Who will
give me a chance to rattle my saber a bit, to act tough and brag a
lot?”
Answered Yajpayee, “We
expect to find even more areas of mutual understanding during this
pleasant, social visit.”
Jiabao then gestured
toward Yajpayee.
“I mean, look at this
guy,” he said. “His country is on the verge of launching nukes
at its neighbor, or vice versa. He gets to stand up before the
world and say, ‘Don’t make me push the button – I may do it today,
maybe right now…’ I never get to do fun stuff like that.”
Yajpayee returned a
similar gesture and said, “And I have the utmost respect for this
man as well. He has been and will always be a great friend and
his nation a great ally for the Republic of India.”
Motioning toward the
Great, Jiabao said, “I’m so tired of this shit.” He then put
on an ironic smile and said sarcastically to Yajpayee, “Oh sure,
come in and get some friggin’ egg rolls. Wow, this’ll be so
much fun I can hardly stand it.”
“Yes, let’s proceed
inside and begin our discussions,” said Yajpayee.
“Do you think if I
insult John Wayne, George Bush might send a threat or two our way?”
Jiabao asked of the reporters. He answered the question
himself mockingly, “Noooo, he is too busy fighting with North Korea
to get angry with us. Russia doesn’t care about us.
America doesn’t even know we exist, except when they need greasy
food delivered. Everyone loves us. What is the point of
being so powerful is there is nothing to stand up against. I
might as well be premier of Botswana!”
Yajpayee, believing he
was concurring, put his arm around Jiabao and issued, “Yes, the two
most populous nations in the world will live together as perfect
brothers!”
“If I smack this guy,
you think he’ll threaten us with a nuke?” Jiabao asked the press.
“Ah, forget it.”
The two leaders then
turned and went inside the Great Hall. However, after a brief
moment Jiabao re-emerged, whipped out a ringing cell phone, and was
heard saying into it, “What – it’s you, President Bush. What
does your evil American self want with the supreme leader of the
Chinese state? What? You want us to stop keeping our
currency artificially low? I refuse! What? Your
not upset? I said, ‘I refuse!’ No! You have to be
mad? What about my human rights record?! Hello?”
The Chinese premier
smashed his cell phone to the ground and stamped on it five times.
“I’m going to give Yajpayee a fortune cookie that says China is your
biggest nightmare – maybe that will fix things.”
Later reports indicate
that Yajpayee interpreted the fortune to this night in China will be
a night he will dream of for years to come.
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