While many debates regarding the first amendment question
just how much freedom of speech is supposed to be guaranteed by it, there is
a more central point that is usually ignored – and which renders the whole
Most of us have been taught that freedom of speech was
something thought up by our founding fathers and put in the Constitution as
the 1st Amendment.
The reality is
that the first ten amendments, which people love to quote when asserting their
right to do this or that, were not put in the Constitution by our
forefathers, and never have, in any way, been applied in law to mean people
are free to do what they want to do.
The Bill of Rights, as these constitutional fleas are
often dubbed, are not and have never been an actual part of
the Constitution. Our forefathers created the great document that governs
our nation explicitly without any guarantee of free this or that.
However, one pesky little colonial, who happened to be in
France at the time the Constitution was made up, said he refused to accept
the Constitution unless these ten little boils were attached to its
buttocks. This man, who was a reputed atheist, derided such fine
institutions as tithing by churches, wore his hair long like a hippie,
snorted snuff, smoked hemp, and in general, acted in ways that were divisive
and detrimental to a stable, prosperous society.
For these reasons, shortly after the Constitution was
passed (having allowed these 10 moles to exist on the Constitution’s
otherwise flawlessly white skin for the sake of political expediency,) laws
were passed to undo the ridiculous damage these 10 amendments, the 1st
of these in particular, would create.
During just the second presidency of this country,
Alexander Hamilton was smart enough to pass the Alien and Sedition acts, in
effect, eliminating any semblance of free speech. In particular, these two
laws took away the right of the long-haired atheist who came up with this
“Bill of Rights” to say the sorts of things he was known to say.
It was easy for Hamilton to get these acts passed.
He simply whipped the nation into a French-hating frenzy, asserting that
three spies, who – I laugh ‘til this day – he never even bothered to make up
names for, just calling them X, Y, and Z, had come from France to gather
intelligence that would be used to attack our country. The whole
spectacle is known as the, “X, Y, Z Affair,” by us historians.
X, Y, and Z. How silly, you may think. And yes, today a
president would likely choose to demonize the names of actual people. But
back then people were slower to turn on someone without evidence, especially
the French who had aided us greatly in the recent Revolutionary War, helping
us to gain our independence in the first place.
So, Hamilton gave them nameless, faceless evil. And it
worked wonderfully. The people backed the Alien and Sedition acts
fervently, the long-haired atheist lost his right to speak his political
views, and all was well in the country.
As you can see, no part of the Constitution ever intended
to preserve even political freedom of speech. No, my dear readers, we are
only free in this, God’s country, to say and do moral things. It has always
been that way in America, and hopefully always will be.
Well, except for the brief period when that long-haired
hippie, atheist, hemp-smoking, socially divisive, church-hating scum ran the
country, having run for President for the sake of repealing the Alien and
Sedition acts. He won, alright, was the third president this nation ever
But we’ve manage to fix things since then. And the rest
is, as one would say, history.