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APR 15 - 30, 2003 |
VOL. 1 ISSUE 1 |
NEW "INDEPENDENT" BEINGS
DISCOVERED
Oddly Unaffiliated Humans Said to Exist in Large Numbers
LOS ANGELES -- Responding to Election Day complaints, the Justice Department has launched a full investigation into the apparent existence of non-party-affiliated human beings.
At first thought to be an isolated incident involving tongue-, nose-, and nipple- (and other-) pierced C. Angus Roberts of West Hollywood, the subsequent discovery that housewife and self-proclaimed *soccer mom*, Janet R. Davidson, was also not aligned with any party * nor one of the seventeen *third* parties * raised alarm that a conspiracy might be about.
"We frisked the young man early and often, and that woman too, a couple of times," said Officer John Jamison of the LAPD. "But I'll tell ya, I wasn't exactly sure what I was feeling for."
Other officers called to the scene voiced similar complaints.
"We've never encountered one of these creatures," said Captain Alonso C. R. S. Ortega Allesandro, "so how can you tell? What exactly are you supposed to grab when frisking?"
These "Independents", as they dubbed themselves, are masters of disguise, sometimes appearing to resemble a middle-aged black man, sometimes little old "Grandma"-like ladies. One even appeared to be a cleric clad member of a religious organization.
"They'll stop at nothing to appear conceal their true, alien selves," said Captain Allesandro. He then pointed out that he has no evidence they are really from another planet, but he can't imagine where on earth they may have come from.
All Vol.1 Issue 1:
Editorial - The Idea Of A "Moderate Independent" News Source
Historical - The History Of The 1st Amendment
World - Fashion Critics Doubt Lula's New Look For Real
News:
Schwarzenegger: "I'll Make Bush Seem Like Mother Teresa"
New "Independent" Beings Discovered - Oddly Unaffiliated Humans Said To Exist In Large Numbers
Bush Thanks Dad For Creating Osama, Saddam