Bush Hires Saddam's Information Minister

MAY 1 - 15, 2003

VOL. 1 ISSUE 2

BUSH HIRES SADDAM’S INFORMATION MINISTER

“Only Al-Sahaf Has The Experience To Help Me Crack

Down On Those Who Speak Against Me.”

May 1, 2003, WASHINGTON, DC – In a surprise move, President George W. Bush today hired former Iraqi Information Minister Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf as a key political adviser.

Seeking to find yet more effective and inventive ways to destroy anyone who dares question any of his policies, the President said enlisting the aid of Saddam’s top dissent quasher should help solidify the Republican control of Washington for many years to come.

“Karl (Rove) said he wanted a new permanent majority. We were doing pretty well on our own decimating anyone who spoke out in opposition, but I wanted to be sure we could take it to the next level. And Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf is just the man to take us there.”

People who have been destroyed for speaking out against Bush to date include government officials from Germany and Canada, who were forced to resign their posts for insulting him; Janine Garafalo, who had an upcoming TV series cancelled for opposing the war; the Dixie Chicks; Ed Gernon, a producer for the CBS miniseries "Hitler," who was fired for comparing the current mood in America to that of early Nazi Germany; Senate Minority Leader Tom Daschle; and Senator John Kerry, among others.

“The whole thing is kind of odd,” said Daschle. “I mean, I thought I was elected to speak out for the people I represent and for what I believe. But I guess that was dumb of me. I apologize.”

Senator John Kerry, a Presidential hopeful for the 2004 race, offered a different sentiment. “I’ll never back down from speaking my mind. Not for Bush, al Sahaf, or anyone.”

Kerry, a decorated Vietnam War hero, continued, “I don’t know about you, but I’m kind of tired of this crap – and I’m not the type to put up…”

Just then Senator Kerry was whisked away by two Secret Service officers, bludgeoned on the head with a hard stick, and thrown into a limousine. He has not been seen or heard from for three weeks now.

MAIN PAGE

All Vol. 1 Issue 2:

Arts/Entertainment - Dixie Chicks treated With Southern Courtesy And Respect: "Those Death Threats Were So Charming. Southern Boys Really Know How To Treat A Lady."

Elections 2004 - The Moderate Independent Rates The Democratic Hopefuls Based On How Moderate And Independent They Are.

Poll - Talking About The War

World - Northrop, Occidental To Sponsor Shakira's Columbian Tour. "We're In The Neighborhood Bombing People Anyway," Says Northrop Employee

News:

Could Bush Really Be To Blame For Ruining The Economy?

Bush Hires Saddam's Information Minister

Is President Bush Being Exploitative, Landing "Top Gun" Style? Does Moving Republican Convention in New York Closer To 9/11 Cross The Line?

Bush Admits He's Been Asking "Wrong Jesus" What He Would Do. Says He's Been Asking Jesus Chavez, A Coke Dealer Who Used To Be His Savior

Santorum, Lott Sent Back To "Two-Shouldered" School. Republican Leaders To Be Reinstructed About Pre-Biggoted Comment Shoulder Checks