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May 21, 2003 - NEW YORK - Standing before a joint news conference with
German Foreign Minister Joschka Fischer and Russian counterpart Igor Ivanov,
French Foreign Minister Dominique de Villepin said Wednesday that this powerful
alliance would take the bold stand of, “Giving President George W. Bush whatever
the hell he wants.”
Although opposed to the American-led war in Iraq, tarred by an anti-France
“smear campaign” of “lies” allegedly spread by the Bush administration, and
fervently against giving the U.S. and Britain the right to occupy Iraq and take
control of the oil, France has decided to take the position of, “…continuing to
cower before any tyrant that God puts before us,” said De. Vellepin.
Russia’s Ivanov agreed. “Originally, when the Iraq invasion began, we talked
about bringing sanctions against the U.S. and Britain the the U.N. Floor,” he
said. “And after the war, we absolutely and unanimously opposed the ridiculous
proposal the U.S. and Britian presented to the U.N., which would give them
permission to occupy Iraq indefinitely and sell its oil as they will.”
“But,” said Putin’s spokesperson, “in the end, the three of us agreed to cower
and appease, giving President Bush all the legitimacy and oil money he wants, so
he can share it with his and Vice President Cheney’s oil buddy friends.”
German Foreign Minister Fischer added, “We feel by appeasing President Bush, we
will get on his good side. And so maybe when we beg – at his mercy – for some
oil or rebuilding contracts, he might throw a biscuit our way – we hope.”
Asked if they shouldn’t have maybe stood their ground, taking President Bush to
task if they truly thought he was violating international law and overstepping
his bounds, Fischer answered for the group, “I can say, for the German people in
particular, we have a wonderful history of kowtowing to horrible tyrants; of
going silent and appeasing this criminal type when they force their will on us.
If we let Hitler trash the constitution because he made us feel afraid, why
would we stand in support of international law now?”
“Us, too,” de Vellepin rushed to get in. “We love to bow and cower when someone
belligerent forces stuff on us.”
Confronted with a somewhat different historical background, Ivanov pointed out
that, “We in Russia also have stood by as horrible, butcherous dictators
disregarded the law for personal gain, and we are prepared to do so now, hoping,
like men who served in our KGB, in Germany’s SS, or in France’s Napoleonic army,
that the evil tyrant might at least treat us individually well if we keep our
lips firmly attached to his buttocks at all times.”
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