May 15, 2003 -
“We are trying to have a war here,” demanded George. “The French should just
mind their business and step out of the way.”
But the ridiculous, idiotic French Foreign Minister disagreed. “We have a duty
to stand up against George’s imperial policies. And, in fact, we have an
interest in seeing that George’s war is not successful.”
“Despite the interference by the
French, the war is proceeding as planned,” asserted George. “We will, without
question, be successful.”
History tells us that was not the
Of course I am talking about the
French interference with the plans of King George III during the American
Revolution. You weren’t thinking of something else, were you?
Those bastard French, standing on the
side of the barbarian American colonists. Who the heck did they think they were
to throw their truffle-sniffing noses in the middle of things? The British, for
the sake of maintaining world order, needed to stamp out the barbarians half way
across the globe.
And, of course, King George III had
the finest army and navy in the world at his disposal. There is no way those
meek, lowly American thugs would have been able to break free of their tax and
supply burdens. It should have been a cakewalk, an easy victory without a peep
from anywhere else in the world.
But those damned French. They sided
with the criminals – those Blue Coats that fought like guerillas alongside
If the French had not given money,
arms, and military support to the American colonists, America might still be a
captive little province of Britain today. We never would have had to suffer the
horrors that followed: democracy, a Bill of Rights, a Declaration of
Independence that, since the Revolution was successful, went down as an example
for lowly people everywhere to rise up against their good, control-wielding
The British would have crushed the rebelling morons and the beast-like
natives they associated with, and Kings, not average men appointed by the
masses, would rule - not just America, but the world, as without the example
of American victory, the French Revolution would never have occurred, and
democracy could have been stifled before it had a chance to spread its eggs
to the four corners of the Earth.
They should have been crushed!
Those dammed French bastards.
Forever interfering with the imperial ambitions of others.
Why don’t they just mind their own
business? If they had just sat eating their damned snails instead of
standing in the way of another’s imperial ambitions, there would be no
America, no democracy, no freedom – none of those cursed things that make
being a blue-blood so unrewarding these days!