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June 5,
2003 – Chicago – After years of playing the usual right-wing “hate the trial
lawyers,” card, conservative talk-radio host Michael Savage Weiner has revealed
that he truly is the scum he used to deride, by filing a comical, malicious
lawsuit against
takebackthemedia.com.
“The problem
was never the trial lawyers in general,” said Savage Weiner, during a commercial
break from his MSNBC TV talk show. “It was that there are some lawyers that will
take any lowdown, abuse-the-little-guy case. It clogs up our judicial system and
harasses people who can’t afford to defend themselves.”
For years,
Savage Weiner made this case again and again, he admitted. But all along, he
really admired those who were amoral and scummy enough to abuse the legal system
for personal gain.
“Really I was
just living a horrible, horrible lie, repressing all my true feelings, keeping my
real, bursting desires to act like the lowest of the lowly ‘sue, sue, sue’ scum.
Ambulance chasers, that old lady who spilled coffee on herself and sued
McDonald’s for three million dollars – these were secretly my idols and role
models. Finally, I couldn’t take it anymore and just had to come out.”
Mr. Savage
Weiner filed the suit against
takebackthemedia.com
in Chicago, even though neither he nor the people who run the web site reside
there.
His lawyer,
fellow talk-radio right-winger Larry Elder, explained, “We searched the fifty
states over to find the one place we had a chance in hell of pursuing this
ridiculous lawsuit. We would have gone to Alaska if we had to. Plus, making the
takebackthemedia.com
people have to travel to Chicago makes it that much more expensive and
burdensome.”
The lawsuit
hinges on the fact that
takebackthemedia.com
unfairly portrays Mr. Savage Weiner in an honest light, and points out to
would-be sponsors that to advertise during his show is to promote a clearly
impotent, logic-hating, hate-loving, clownish, hypocritical crybaby.
Kraft
Corporation CEO Betsy Holden, one of the sponsors who withdrew support from
Savage Weiner’s shows, said, “We are affiliated with Phillip Morris – or
whatever they call themselves these days – and so have no problem using
advertising to sell cigarettes to teens and adults, giving them cancer and a
life-time of suffering, or pushing our hydrogenated oil cheese products that
clog arteries. But,” she added emphatically, “to sponsor Michael Savage Weiner
is a level even we couldn’t sink to.”
Alan Lafley,
CEO of sponsorship-withdrawing Proctor and Gamble sounded a similar note.
“The street
address of our headquarters in New York, since it has the number 666, and the
crescent and star symbol our products bear, have always led people to speculate
that we associate with the Devil. That we don’t mind. But to be associated with
the Weiner Man, that is something we could not allow for our company.” |
