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August 17, 2003 - Frustrated
by the fact that Bush-supporting Republicans are successfully
recalling him, California Governor Gray Davis sent a legion of
California Highway Patrol helicopters and vehicles on a
"pre-emptive" raid of Cancun, Mexico.
"I noticed
that these same people who are leading the recall against me," said
Governor Davis, "supposedly because of the budget deficits the state
is having, don't care that the President has created the largest
deficit in generations."
When the
report was released, said the Governor, indicating that the
federal deficit would be at least 50% higher than previously
thought, and yet no one moved to recall or impeach the President,
the Governor began to wonder.
"They say
they are recalling me because I low-balled the deficit problem
during the election. But Bush said there'd be no deficit, and
now it is breaking records - and still they don't care."
After
careful, detailed, pain-staking analysis of how the President has
managed to avoid blame for the economy being so bad, Davis
determined it must have been his successful exploitation of the War in Iraq. And so, realizing that the Iraq war had been launched based on a fictional threat, he
decided to follow suit, and declared that Cancun, Mexico had WMD, and so needed to be attacked.
Asked if Cancun really possessed "WMD", and if this WMD really posed a threat to Americans, Davis said, "Absolutely, the nation of Mexico - including Cancun - is just full of WMD, and it is a grave threat to Americans - thousands have been affected by it already." The Governor refused to clarify what sort of WMD he was referring to, but an aide later told us that the WMD stood for "Water that causes Massive Diarreah."
The aide further explained that
Cancun, Mexico was the target of his massive assault because Governor Davis sees the problem the President is now having in Iraq, with troop morale
falling low as their stay grows longer. Governor Davis learned from President Bush's
mistake, the aide said, and so set his war in a wonderful resort town, "So our
troops... well, I mean troopers... will be begging him to keep the
war dragging on and on - and this way he can use it to ensure his
popularity all the way through the next election cycle."
Gubernatorial candidate Arnold Schwarzenegger stated, in reply to a
question about the attack, "Vell... if you elect me, I vill attack Cabo!
Yah, that'll be really cool, too."
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